When you allow other people to determine your best choices; when you allow yourself to be carried along by what other people think your life should be, could be, must be; when you hand them the pen and tell them to write your story, you don't get the pen back. Not easily anyway.
~ Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect
My oldest daughter turned two this last weekend. After a crazy weekend, dedicated to an extroverted toddler, who loves her peoples, I find myself with time to reflect on a quiet Monday morning. I am quite sure that every year when Myka's birthday comes around, I will find cause to pause and reflect on the changes in my life. You see, finding out I was expecting Myka was life changing for me. It became the moment in time when I came face to face with the insanity that I had chosen to acquiesce to in my life.
I had let others demand more and more of me. I had let others take over the pen that was writing my story, telling me that they heard God differently than I did, so the implication became, I heard God incorrectly. The blessing that comes with pregnancy for me is the inability of my body to handle the stress I attempt to put it through on an everyday basis. Myka symbolizes a moment when God disconnected me from the unhealthy that was surrounding me, the voices that would have lead me away from the direction he was moving me. In pregnancy my capacity is diminished so significantly that I lose the ability to force myself to sacrifice my emotional, spiritual and physical health for the version of me others want. In reality, both of my girls are blessings. With Myka, I recognized the danger in letting someone attempt to custom create a job you were never intended to fill. With Eden, I discovered the joy in being in the right place and having your need to say "no, I need some space" accepted, even honored.
Myka symbolizes for me a moment when I took back the pen of my life and began to write my own story again. I began to pursue the vision of the story God had given me. Myka served as a catalyst to make me chose to make the difficult move to reclaim the pen that was steering the direction of my life. As a result, I said no to what was ultimately a glorified office assistant position. By saying no and walking away, God moved me to a place much better suited for me. I now serve in a position that enables me to live out the vision I had of developing and investing in leaders and volunteers. By saying no, I freed up the capacity in my life to pursue the formal education that will better prepare me to lead.
When we allow others to write our story, it reflects a combination of what they believe should be our story and themselves. It will never be truly ours. It becomes a broken up compilation of short stories as the pen continues to change hands. When we take back the pen and begin to write our story with God's guidance. It becomes a story that flows seamlessly through the fabric of our lives. Rather than the random broken pattern of a patchwork quilt, our lives become like a piece of carefully crafted and painstakingly woven expensive silk. Beautiful and valuable because its flaws are woven into one solid piece.
I was reminded yesterday, that our lives are not intended to be separate boxes and compartments. Our life is intended to flow from one space to another unbroken. When we allow God to drive our story, our passions move from our work life to home life to the spiritual in much the way the Mississippi river flows through it's varied landscapes. Our story is consistent and unbroken. It's strength coming from the way it flows consistently from one area to another, connected in its movement.
Being present demands that we wield the pen that writes our story. When we give it to others it creates a brokenness to our life as we are pulled in various directions. When we take back our pen and write the story God is showing us, we create a seamless and beautiful story that reflects His glory.
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