Room to Breathe

Last week my classes started again.  Can I share I was more than a little nervous?  Since I had taken a brief break from my classes I was starting up with new classmates, a new professor and I had not written a paper in two months.  Now one thing that my return to college classes has highlighted to me is the fact that where I, myself am concerned, I am a bit of a perfectionist.  I have incredibly high standards for what I expect from myself.  

Right now I am not working.  My focus is on my classes and my position as Volunteer Director at our church (ok, so I'm kind of working for no pay, but it's great leadership experience!).  Of course, one thing I learned as I prepared to go back to school is that having a toddler, a 2 month old, maintaining a household, the church position and resuming classwork is a major juggling act.  And then there are my insanely high standards.  Can I confess that in the 2-3 weeks leading up to that return to school, those standards were not just driving my husband crazy, but they were driving me up the wall?!  

Somehow in the middle of the craziness and nerves, I found the strength to give myself grace.  Have you ever thought about how much strength it can take to practice grace?  For me in this instance it's Herculean! The truth is though once I stopped and was ok that the house was not going to look perfect for a few days, I had the margin to plan.  Planning for me is essential if I am going to accomplish anything and lets just say the pile of things on my plate that screamed for my attention is more than just one.  So in the middle of the craziness one week before school was scheduled to start I stopped.  I stopped everything for two days and just planned.  I took an inventory of the pantry, freezer and refrigerator and stopped to plan meals out through the end of July.  I sat down and thought of all the house work that needed to be done throughout the week and made a cleaning schedule.  I stopped and thought about a few things that I could do every single day that would help keep me from feeling like the house was overwhelming me and I wrote those items out to do daily.  I quit thinking about all of the productive things to do and asked myself what would give me joy and fill me up if I started doing it each day.  I then added that to my cleaning schedule as a daily ritual.  

At the end of those two days, I started working on making those things into a habit.  Now there are varying pieces of research that tell you how long you have to do something before it can truly be considered a habit, but to my mind, I did all of these things today on a Saturday morning without even thinking about it or questioning it, so I'm calling it a bona fide habit at this point!  The thing I noticed after realizing that yesterday I had a ton of margin in my day and had a Friday that could just be for me and things I enjoyed and today after realizing that our Saturday is running so smoothly we are all enjoying it that stopping was the best thing I could do for my family.

In stopping it allowed a reset.  It allowed me to intentionally create margin and space to breathe in the daily, weekly life of our family.  The difference it has made is amazing!  And the crazy thing is it doesn't mean we are not staying busy.  This week had Dustin away on a day trip for work.  My week consisted of the following:

Monday - Doctor's Appointment for Eden + Paper for School due

Tuesday - Dogs to the Groomer + Dustin home late due to furniture pick up (he found a sweet deal on a nice vintage coffee table that gives me a ton of space to use when folding clothes)

Wednesday - Appointment for Me + Dustin late due to work and picking up the rental car for his trip on Thursday

Thursday - Dustin out of Town + Meeting with our pastor in Greenwood for me + 2 posts due for school

Friday - Me out of Town for a meeting and girl time with my Mom

Through all of this while the cleaning schedule flexed where needed, I made it to Friday with everything completed!  This week felt like a solid win.  It occurred to me today though as I reflected on our week and as Dustin and I discussed some financial goals we have for the month of August that if we want to win with money we budget.  We save and calculate.  We assess our debts and (if you are a good Dave Ramsey student) make a plan to get rid of them as quickly as possible.  Why do we think our time is different?  Why do we think that we can wring a few extra minutes out of our day if we push hard enough?  If most of us budgeted our finances like we do our time we would find ourselves checking every vending machine we pass for change to pay the mortgage or rent!  The thing I learned the last couple of weeks is this:  

We all have the same 24 hours.  Just like our money if we choose not to budget it and just give it away to whatever cause knocks on our door that day, we get to the end of the day with a deficit of hours.  This means that the things we needed to do today have now become shifted to tomorrow.  The more that shift happens, the more we feel the stress that continual shift creates.  Ultimately, the only way to break the cycle is to STOP.  Sit down and figure out what is important for you.  Find time to invest in things that give to you rather than putting them off because of the continual shift you have created.  Despite what we think the world really can function without us for a brief period while we stop and take a breath.  If we fail to plan, we are planning to fail.  This is true with money, but also with our time.  

So 

STOP

Take time to 

BREATHE

and 

PLAN 

You really won't regret it.

The Exhale in Simplicity

"As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness."
-Henry David Thoreau

I have found myself reflecting on various relationships that have drastically changed over the couple of years.  I find myself mourning what once was.  I have struggled to understand why friendships I thought had substance and would stand the test of time have altered as to become unrecognizable.

I am a thinker.
I want to understand.
I am an introvert.
I mourn the loss of that deep relationship greatly.
I wonder how life is suppose to look when it changes so drastically.


Today, I had a realization.  Some relationships are forged from our circumstances.  Some of my fondest memories have been formed when money was not in abundance and creativity was required.  I find I miss the relationships that developed in that forced simplicity.

As I think about it, I believe that in times where we do not have the money or capacity to live in material abundance we are given a gift.  A gift which we often fail to recognize when we have it.  We long for the day we have more.  We convince ourselves we will use the more for good.  To better the lives of those around us, but so often if we are not careful the more ends up controlling us.  It allows us to assume more debt which demands repayment and interest.  It allows us to add more and more to our calendars which adds stress to our lives as we run from one commitment to another.


When we are in the moment of not having as much as we would like, we often refer to it as hard.  The reality that I'm discovering is that to choose simplicity is hard.  Simplicity does not come easily.  It requires intentionally saying no when you want so badly to say yes.  It requires looking at simplicity systemically.

For simplicity to be truly effective it must permeate our lives.  It means clearing our houses of clutter.  Getting rid of what we no longer use or does not bring us joy.  It involves an overhaul of our schedules and a focus on our core values as individuals and families.  It means clearing our emotional baggage so that we can engage with others from a place of health.

Often we look to the Amish or a previous era for our definition of simplicity.  While there are things to glean from others, we ourselves must create simplicity on our own.

It seems appropriate that as I think of this my word for 2016 comes to mind....
Exhale

To engage in genuine simplicity, the exhale becomes essential.  For myself, I have to let go of those relationships that have changed.   To recognize that they no longer help me move toward the life God is leading me toward.  In exhaling, I then have the capacity to inhale and move into the relationships that are at a similar place in life.  To engage with those who are searching for simplicity themselves.

My truth, this move to simplicity is extremely difficult.  It means asking myself the hard questions and being willing to hear truth from those I trust to help me grow.  Simplicity means following God where it is not comfortable sometimes because I want to make the easy choice.  It means saying to to things that seem good for the things that are better.  And sometimes it means stopping CPR on the life I am not meant to live and embracing the life I am intended for.