For the first time in months I feel like I finally have the opportunity to breathe! Our life has been a whirlwind of the final weeks of pregnancy, the birth of our second daughter and helping a toddler adjust to life with a sister. The truth.... It's felt a little overwhelming!
I find as a mommy it is amazing the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to live up to others expectations. We allow the voices and input of others to determine what makes us a "good" parent. Our babies should be fed a certain way and if they are not particularly as mothers we experience the infamous "mommy guilt". It is funny, but I did not experience a lot of that with my first child. However , it hit me full force with my new little one.
Here I was a second time mommy to a newborn with preemie experience under my belt and I spent 2 weeks second guessing everything I did. Fortunately, I have an extremely supportive and aware husband! After nearly 3 weeks of being part of a Facebook group that was suppose to offer support, he helped me recognize that I was not exactly experiencing support as much as I was feeling trapped by others opinions and choices. Somehow, all of the progress I have made over the past several years in counseling flew out the window temporarily in the face of this group of women I didn't even know! I never even posted the first question or comment in this group, but somehow I was letting these people dictate my life.
And then I was reminded of my word for 2016....
Exhale
Just breathe.... Let it go....
In that moment when that amazing husband I have reminded me that this was our child and we genuinely knew what was best for our family, I found that I could refocus. I could let go of the expectations that pressured me from this group and I could recognize that it was not in the best interest of our family for me to continue pursuing this ideal that I was not capable of achieving...
I've spent a lot of my life "doing"...
At some point I believed the lie that if I could do and was productive I had worth.
My truth....
I was not made to thrive on doing.
I was created in a way that thrives on relationship. I would rather spend time one on one sharing life than to run crazy doing activities. I enjoy and am encouraged by deep and meaningful conversation. Small talk sucks the life out of me and leaves me exhausted.
The last few weeks have reminded me that when I focus on others expectations or perceived expectations of me I am miserable. I am not in my sweet spot and I live my life exhausted.
Since (with my husband's encouragement) I have been letting go of those expectations, I have found myself becoming more energized and in a better place to take on life. I have the capacity to do things I have not done in months. I am taking advantage of my break from my classes to take part in not one, but two book clubs! (I have missed reading just a bit) I am taking time to enjoy my two little girls. I have the capacity to make cookies with my toddler and watch a movie with my husband.
I am taking time to breath and in doing that I am able to exhale and let go of those things that drag me down. In doing that I have the space to embrace more things that bring me joy and energize me.
