Desolate

But He would withdraw to desolate places and pray. 

~Luke 5:16 ESV

Desolate.  It's a rather depressing word, don't you think?  It's a word that I think we often associate with destruction and loneliness, but its the very word used to describe where Jesus intentionally went.  A place where there was no busyness, no people.  Where it was just Him and God.  An empty place where he could be filled.

Desolate.  I find myself asking the question lately though, if Jesus chose to go to a place that was empty, silent and lonely, what should I be learning from that?  

The truth I'm finding about myself though is the desolate places aren't always places I want to go.  They become the places where I learn about myself.  Sometimes in those desolate places the lies that I've spent years believing about myself are challenged and while that sounds like a good thing it actually can be painful.  I'm challenged to see myself as having worth when it's often easier to view myself through the lens of less than good enough.  You see if I start to see myself as having worth in God's eyes then it means I need to listen to what He wants to say to me in those desolate places.

I'm an introvert who would much rather be lost in the white noise of activity even if it wears me out because silence means that God has the opportunity to remind me who I am to Him.  If I can lose myself in the noise of other people's words that indicate I'm lacking in some way then I'm not required to step up to the task to which God is calling me.

Desolate.  No matter how I try though it's the place that God continues to call me to meet Him.  I hear Him beckoning, offering the rest that my soul longs to embrace.  But inside I often fear it comes with a price.  I somehow feel that the price tag is that I have to give up something that I can't part with.  Some part of me that means I'm no longer Tonya.  

Desolate.  As I'm drawn into that empty place, I realize something amazing.  I see that the emptiness doesn't mean that God is taking away all of these important things.  I'm finding that He's giving me a gift in the desolate place He's called me to meet Him.  He's giving me the gift of simplifying so that I have more energy and more time for the things that bring me joy and energize me.  He's giving me the gift of rest a moment to recharge so that I'm ready to be who He designed me to be.