So we are past the halfway point of our #nospendOctober. We're surviving it.... Although we did discover that due to some unexpected things we had to alter it after the first couple of weeks. We discovered that for some crazy reason, I wasn't able to study quite the same way if I didn't have my study sessions at Starbucks. So we decided to add that particular luxury back in. The scramble to try to do the studying in the house all of the time was just too much. The library didn't seem to work very well. Crazy, right? I think I might get distracted by all of the other books begging to be browsed there so studying becomes difficult.
I haven't been very successful at accomplishing all of the cool little organizational and cleaning challenges that Ruth at Living Well, Spending Less put together as part of the #31DaysLWSZ challenge. I had to give up on that after the kitchen! While I dream of organizing Myka's room, clearing out paperwork and cleaning out the bathroom closet, alas those items will have to wait until another time.
Another thing I discovered last week is one way I tend to take some Spiritual Whitespace for myself is to grab lunch out on my lunch break once a week and go to the park. After about 2 weeks of not doing that, I crashed. I got to Friday last week and wanted to disolve into tears! We decided that this was an acceptable compromise to the dining out budget, since eating at work can be a little challenging.
My husband is much better at this no spend thing than I am. That said I'm pretty sure he's planning a flea market binge November 1st.... In one way I'm glad we tried it. On the other hand I'm ready for it to be over. I haven't started counting days, hours minutes, seconds (mainly because that's math and it gives me a headache....), but I'm ready to be done with this particular challenge. While it has helped us reset priorities, I'm quite tired of asking the question of does spending this money violate our no spend agreement. I'm even questioning whether it has the same impact it does for us that it does for others since I hear us saying a lot of "we'll get it when #nospendOctober is over".
I don't think I exactly regret this trial month of no spending, but I do think I expected different results when we started. Maybe trying it when you are in school, are actively working through some heavy "stuff" in counseling and have a 1 year old presents a different set of challenges that make it just a little more than I think I care to take on again anytime soon. Don't get me wrong I think it's an amazing idea. But it's difficult in different ways from what I expected. In retrospect I think I start to see this challenge as a great way to deal with our need for things. I think maybe part of the reason this challenge is different for us is that we don't really have the ties to material things the way we did at one time. We like to purchase the furniture, home decor and things that make our house uniquely ours, but we were already taking the question of do we genuinely need it? Do we have a place for it? What do we need to get rid of if we buy it? before taking the challenge. I think in that respect the challenge hasn't served the purpose intended. So while I don't see myself jumping on board to do this challenge again anytime soon after we finish this month out, one thing I have learned is about extending myself grace.
When I was the one we needed to make exceptions for I felt like a failure. Like somehow I was the reason this wasn't going to succeed. After my time with God on Friday though, I came away with a different perspective. In choosing to eat out that one time a week so I could go spend my lunchtime with God, it changes that lunch hour from something inward focused to using the resources around us (even if it's Burger King) to allow God to draw us closer to Him. Rather than grabbing food because I'm running crazy, we chose to allot resources to provide an opportunity for some Spiritual Whitespace. Can I share that after a two week absence from the trail I like to walk on my lunch, I cried? In the "rules" of our #nospendOctober my heart had taken a huge hit. I was following the rules so well that I had ignored for two full weeks what my heart was begging for. I kept pushing through trying to do the task perfectly, not letting my heart be heard.
I think that's the danger of challenges, church programs and all of the activities we use to fill our lives. We are so busy trying to do all of them perfectly and not fail at any of them that we miss hearing our hearts beg for what they need. So can I ask you to join me today? Take some time out. Say no to the craziness of life and let yourself hear your heart. Take more than just five minutes away from the activity and let your heart hear from God in the stillness. Introvert, extrovert, we both need those moments of stillness for our hearts to hear our Father.
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