Intentional Battles

Photo Courtsey of Makole Photography



When I started my year with the word Intentional I do not think I anticipated the crazy turns it would take! In January, I knew my life needed focus and thought that this would be the way God used the word for me.


Fast forward to this the last week of July and I am discovering that Intentional goes so much deeper than I thought!
Being Intentional is not just about planning your day down to the last second.
It is not just about how you spend your money or how much time you spend watching TV.


Intentional means being aware.
Intentional means choosing wisely.
Intentional means recognizing your resources are limited.
Intentional means saying no to good things for the best things.
Intentional also means being willing to make really hard choices.
In this season of life being Intentional means examining what battles are worth fighting.


One of my favorite scenes from Lord of the Rings is Sam's speech to Frodo.


Sam: It's like in the great stories Mr Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end its only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something ever if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They keep going because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.


Have you ever thought about all of the battles we fight?
We live in a broken world and it is inevitable that we will fight.
We fight with our friends, siblings, parents, children.
We fight with our spouses.
We fight addictions and depression.
We fight insecurities and jealousy.


But do we ever ask ourselves what is worth fighting for?


That is the lesson I have been learning about being Intentional.
Every battle we fight takes something out of us.
It takes resources both physical and emotional.
It takes attention away from other things.


So when you begin to intentionally fight battles you start to intentionally invest energy.
That is life changing!


An interesting exercise both my husband and I did recently is a values sheet.
We sat down and as individuals wrote out our values.
The blog Minimal Wellness has a great sheet to use for this.
You can check the post that helped us and get your own values sheet here.


Knowing our values is helping me personally, but also us as a couple start to streamline how we choose our battles.


When you value something then it becomes something worth fighting for.

What do you value?

Intentional Community

I'm discovering in our season of life that having a toddler, who just happens to be an extrovert opens the door to endless possibilities.  

Our Myka loves people and she loves for her people to feel connected. 

I become the recipient of that when I pick her up at daycare and she needs to introduce me to her friends and their mommies and daddies.

On our family walks in the community nearly every adult we meet must be mommy or daddy's friend.  It's an interesting perspective to have, but not exactly new.  

There are no strangers here; 

Only friends you haven't yet met.

~William Butler Yeats~

It seems like a lot of the past few years for me have been a search for community.

The places I thought I once belonged no longer have space for me.

The relationships I once held dear did not survive change.

And so my community was turned upside down and inside out and my life started to feel a little like Alice in Through the Looking Glass.

Through my daughter I am starting to realize how narrow my view of community had become.

When I worked as a nurse in downtown Indianapolis, I had diverse friendships.  I regularly interacted and shared life with people, who were different from me.

They were different races and cultures.  

They had different political and social viewpoints.  

My community was diverse and I learned and grew as I shared life with people much different.  

Then circumstances changed and I instead found myself for about a year and a half surrounded with people who saw the world in a very similar fashion.  

On the backside of that I see the danger that is present in that scenario.  

I became stale, unchallenged.  

It was not necessary to think too far outside of the box I was in and was even discouraged at times if I tried to go too far outside of what was familiar.

In my safe group of like minded people, I became comfortable.

Then something happened and I no longer fit in.  

I still am not entirely sure what happened that caused a break.

Maybe it was job loss, maybe it was becoming disillusioned.

What ever it was, close relationships gradually disappeared and I had to search for what was important in my life.

After my second daughter, Eden, was born, I remember distinctly recognizing that I had begun to once more find myself challenged by relationships with people who were not like me and in doing that I once more found true community.

When we look for community in only like minded people, we run a risk.  

We risk losing our souls for the sake of belonging to a particular group.  We will eventually sacrifice what holds value to us to remain a part of this group.  We create restricted community, you only "fit" if you "fit" our idea of community.  At the end of the day it doesn't matter how much you say you want to engage others, your choices show by the blend of the community with which you identify.

The last six weeks of school have had me digging in deeply to the book of Acts.  Examining the first church and the leaders in that movement have had me soul-searching.  I suppose in some ways it made me open to the lessons God was using my nearly three year old, Myka to teach me.  The first church without the Gentiles was at risk.  If they only remained a community of Jewish believers, they ran the risk of traditional Jewish culture distorting the message of Christ.  So God moved the leaders of this fledging group to reach out to the Gentiles.  Peter, Paul and even James end up advocating for the Gentiles to be included.  They begin to challenge the "Jewish way" of doing things and instead focusing on the message that God desires to spread to the ends of the earth.  This creates a radical change in the first church and broadens the sense of community beyond the boundaries of the Jewish culture.

When we live in community the way God intends, it will look messy.  We will be surrounded by people who see the world differently.  We will be challenged by people from different cultures and with different customs.  We will find people who are on different sides regarding various political and social issues.  We might find our beliefs challenged.  

That is a good thing!  

When we allow it community will grow us and if we let it, community might even become family.  

Intentional Updates

In my last post I shared about some things that I've been doing to be more intentional.  I thought in this post I would share an update on how some of those things are going.

The first is my Bullet Journal.  At this point we are three weeks in to February and I am finding my Bullet Journal invaluable.  I had some things that I wanted to keep track of as a way of creating better habits in my life.  

Some of the goals I had were:

• Drink more Water
• Read more Intentionally (outside of school)
• Listen to Podcast 1-2 times a week
• Intentional Whitespace
• Naps (yes, I often adult way too much and my body has started to let me know that)
• Eat more Salads

Water

I gave it some thought to how I would count things a success and how I would mark off my daily progress.  I found an awesome app for my phone called Waterlogged.  It's been a great way for me to track how close I come to my daily goal of 64 oz of water.  

I had a really bad habit of clicking on my Facebook app when I am bored or waiting.  As I decided to be more intentional one of the things I did was rearrange my phone apps.  In the place of the Facebook app where my finger would automatically go, I placed my Waterlogged app.  Now I think a lot about how I'm doing on my goal of water intake.  At the end of the day if I am within a few ounces of my goal I check it off as a successful day in my Habit Tracker in my Bullet Journal.  So far I have met my goal nearly every day and I'm feel much better for it!  My default is now water much more often than tea or soda.

Reading

The reading is a bit more challenging.  Some days I find myself struggling to get through my school work so when you add on caring for a toddler, who is potty training, and an 8 month old it can be trickier.  Since I draw the line at counting the ten times I read "Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now" in one night, this one is progressing slightly slower, but I have successfully finished 3 books in the last couple of weeks.  

Hollow City

Library of Souls

(Both from Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children)

and

Breathing Underwater 

by Richard Rohr

Most of these I started in January, but I finished them up this month.

Podcast

  

At the first of this month I decided to make Podcast part of my monthly Habit Tracker.

I've wanted to listen to podcast for quite a while, but always struggled with how to make that happen. Enter the realization that I can plug my phone in to the USB port in my car and let the podcast play as I am driving.  Not a surprise that I can let it play, but hey, in our family we often just plug in the phone to see how many times the toddler wants to here "Gitchee Gitchee Goo" from Phineas and Ferb.

Finally!  An adult use for the USB!

Whitespace

This was really important for me after coming back from my personal retreat.  I knew coming back I needed to take care of myself better.  Taking care of myself means that I am a much better Mommy and Wife to those who live with me every day!  I am less cranky.  I can do more around the house.  Overall, I'm just a better person!

I have definitely developed a better pattern so far this month.  

I have always enjoyed wandering through our city's art museum so I took some time after an appointment last week just to wander around the IMA (Indianapolis Museum of Art).  

Another day I visited a local nature preserve and just sat on the lake for a short period (it was crazy cold that day!).

Another day I just watched movies I enjoy because I enjoy them at home.

Whitespace looks different for everyone, but it is a way to invest in your relationship with God by doing things that bring you joy.

Naps

I know this one sounds a little crazy and lazy, but one thing I have realized is that in the time since Eden was born I have pushed myself entirely too hard.  My body was screaming for rest long before  I gave it the rest it needed.  So I decided to start listening when my body says stop.  Now do not assume that because I am tracking it that I nap every day.  I don't!  I usually do take a few naps a week though just to care for my body.

Salads

This was just another goal I made to try to introduce more balance into my diet.  I thought that focusing on salads and water at the same time made sense as an easy first step for that.  

In addition to my habit tracker I have found the Daily Log a great resource in setting broad goals for myself each day.  It give me the flexibility to do it when I am able, but gives me some things that I can focus on for the day.  Some days I check everything off.  Other days things shift to the next day.

The second thing is we started our Finance Class last weekend.

It is a three week class so we still have two weeks to go, but it has been encouraging!  We realized there are a couple of things we need to work on ASAP, but we have the beginnings of a solid foundation to build on.  It's kind of nice to know those stupid mistakes from our 20's aren't going to haunt us the rest of our adult lives!  The great thing about the timing is that we are doing this right as our tax refund is coming.  We get to start being intentional with our tax return!  That's a good feeling.

So that's how our Intentional Life is going right now!  

Intentional Living

We are nearly a week into February and I am six weeks into my Intentional Year.

This year is especially exciting for me as my husband joined me in my word this year.  In previous years it has often felt like my word for the year trickled into our family over the course of the year, but this year is different. 

 We are doing this as a team!  

Now one thing you should know is my husband is my biggest cheerleader and my strongest support so when I choose a word for the year he supports it.  This year is so exciting though since he brings a whole different perspective to Intentional.

Not even 6 weeks into 2017, we have found some interesting ways to bring the concept of Intentional into our family life.

Some of those are....

• Bullet Journals
• Personal Retreat
• Date Nights/Days
• Budget 
• Finance Class
• Family Vacation

-Bullet Journals

I have always had good intentions in regards to using a planner.  Unfortunately, something always made those intentions fall through.  This year I had an amazing planner that I purchased last year.  I sooo wanted to start using it.  The down side was when I tried it caused my anxiety to flare up.  I would look at the ideal day I had mapped out and feel a sense of failure when the day didn't work out quite as planned.

Enter the Bullet Journal...

A Facebook group I am in introduced me to this idea.  The idea that I could combine all of the random notes I make with a schedule and a to-do list, was intriguing to me.  So I began to research...

While there are a variety of planners available, the thing I love about the bullet journal is that it can be whatever you need it to be.  Mine has the plans for birthday parties, to do lists, a habit tracker, my future log for the next 6 months and my daily log for the things I need or want to do each day, books I want to read and movies I want to see this year.  

For the initial introduction check out 

Bullet Journal - The Analog System for the Digital Age

There are other great ideas for finding the perfect set up for you on Pinterest and YouTube.

Using Bullet Journals is proving to be life changing for Dustin and I.  It has helped us move from a place of feeling like we are struggling to manage each day to being able to look at and prioritize what we need and want to get done on any given day.

-Personal Retreat

This one was hard for me at first.  It felt selfish to leave Dustin and the girls for a couple of days to go away by myself.  Dustin insisted it was something I needed though.  Since our daughter Eden was born 8 months ago I really have not stopped going.

So I made reservations and went away for 3 days and 2 nights to a retreat center near the church we attend.  When I walked through the door of my room there, I nearly cried.  It was like this massive weight of responsibility rolled off my shoulders.  For 3 days I had nothing to worry about except me. Someone else was cooking, cleaning and there were no diapers to change, bottles to fix or "hangry" screams from a 2 1/2 year old.  

In that time I was able to reconnect to God in a way that the craziness of life had prohibited in the previous days, weeks and months.  In those days I realized how right Dustin had been.  I needed to get away and talk to God so that I could come back and be a better mom and wife. 

If you have not tried a personal retreat yourself, you really should!  I came back from mine totally convinced I wanted to send Dustin in the next few months.  The busyness of life can make us lose connection with our God, who wants to have a deep and intimate relationship with us.  We think we are reading our required Bible verses, praying and assembling with other believers, but that is only part of connecting to God.  I found I had let the white noise of the world around me become just a little overwhelming and none of those things had the impact they have had since I came back.

Look for a local retreat center...  Some older Catholic schools have been converted for this purpose.  Two that I have been to and would recommend are:

Benedict Inn and Retreat Center

The Sisters of St Benedict - Ferdinand, Indiana

Really though, any place that gives you time with God will make a huge difference!  

-Date Nights/Days

One of the awesome things we started last year that ended up being some great prep work for htis particular topic, is a kid exchange.

We started trading kids once a month for a date night with another couple.  It's great for both of us since my oldest daughter adores the whole family and my youngest seems to have bonded with the husband of the couple! LOL

This actually does two things...

It gives the adults in the arrangement couple's time.

It lets the kids play and wear off some of that excess energy.

But it also puts some really awesome role models in my daughters lives outside of family.  

In addition to these date nights, we have grandmothers, cousins, aunts and uncles that love to spend time with our girls so we have begun to make date nights a regular investment for our marriage.

It can be easy to decide it's not worth the hassle to wrangle the kids or find a babysitter, but marriage deserves intentional investment.  You are not just investing in your spouse...  you are setting an example for your children on how to value their future husband or wife.

-Budget

From the moment we started planning our wedding and even before that Dustin and I have utilized a budget.  So the idea that we need a budget is not a question as much as how does a budget work best for us?

We love the Dave Ramsey principles and often reference them when we are making future plans.  One thing we realized early this year though is that we want to be more intentional with our money.  We want the way we spend our money to reflect our values.  

This one is still in the working stages to figure out how best to refine our budget and spending habits to fit our family, our values and not the least honor God with our resources.

Which leads to my next goal....

-Finance Class

Never believe that God does not think of what we need before we ask...

Our church, The Southeast Project, is currently doing a series on money/giving.

The thing I love about our pastor is he doesn't just give you the information, on a topic like money he typically manages to pair it with resources or opportunities to learn how to implement the things he is discussing in a practical, real world way.

This month that happens to be partnering with a church member, who is a financial coach and is willing to do Finance Classes.

Honestly, we had been waffling over whether we "had the time" to do them.  Then yesterday morning during service, God slapped us upside the head and yep... the beauty of technology... I signed up during service the moment God showed us we could not miss out on this opportunity. 

 (Side note: Technology can be what you make it, a distraction or a tool.  In this case it provided the opportunity for me to follow God's prompting in the moment without putting it off)

The last thing I mentioned is...

-Family Vacation

Travel and time spent as a family having fun is something we value in our family.  Because of that we decide that we need to start planning now for our family vacation to Hilton Head!  We had the opportunity for a cost effective vacation to a fun new location neither of us have visited.  We are soooo excited so we have decided to plan intentionally for that so we can enjoy ourselves without worrying.

Being Intentional about Fun is Important!!

Being Intentional we are discovering does not mean joyless responsible behavior.  It means planning so you can enjoy the fun times and knowing when buckling down and sacrificing is needed.  

Intentional Choices Lead to a Balanced Life!

My Word for 2017 - Intentional

2017 is nearly a week old and I am already finding my word for the year is challenging me.

For the past few years I have chosen a word or phrase.  

2014 was Pieces - my life felt like it falled apart.

2015 was Reckless Abandon - We started the year by leaving a church we cared deeply about and I ended the year by leaving my job due to my second pregnancy with no idea how we would manage as a one income family.

2016 was Exhale - I have felt deeply the loss of relationships I once thought were solid, experienced the loss of not one, but two of our pups and found that I needed to let go of much more than I realized

For 2017, I found myself wondering whether I wanted to go down this path of one word yet again, but God kept bringing the word Intentional to my attention.

Now I should probably mention that our family has spent the last 3 1/2 years working to be more intentional about many things.

Resources...

Finances...

Time...

Even our Trash...

Just last fall I invested in an amazing new planner to help me plan my year, month, week, day and even hour more effectively.  

Not even a full week into the year and I am already learning that intentional is not just about the planner.  

Starting the new year I determined I would begin to walk our dog several times a week.

I would implement a schedule for housework.

I would plan out the time that I would spend on church work, school work and personal time.

It looks great on paper.

Tuesday started out good!  I implemented my plan.  The dog took a walk, the housework was tackled, I was on a roll!

Wednesday went well, I got a good handle on some school work, housework was tackled and the dog had his walk.

Then Thursday hit.  

I'm not sure what felt off about Thursday, but I struggled.  It was hard to get off the couch and move.  I didn't want to leave the house and to be honest, the new LuLaRoe outfit I wanted to put on was the only thing that motivated me to get out of the house.  

I made my way to Starbucks to study and as I arrived I had a realization....

Intentional is not just a list of things to accomplish.  

Sometimes Intentional is looking at that To-Do List and recognizing that of all the things I need to accomplish today these two things are the most important and just getting them done is a win.

Intentional is evaluating every day what is important, what is urgent and what can move and flex.  

I am realizing that my Word for the Year can be something I try to force into my life...

Or it can be a focus Word that allows God to guide my steps through the year.

My word becomes a learning opportunity.

It becomes a way to really focus and listen to what God wants to speak into an area of my life.

Living Today

How often do we fly through our day, making our way through the to-do list and rushing to get the kids to the next event they have committed to?  We talk about wanting time, but how often do we intentionally make time to let life happen rather than allowing things to dictate our actions?

I know you're already thinking, if you only knew my life.  It's a season of busy.  While I understand that seasons of busy happen, I am also learning that those seasons last much longer than they should when we continue to just let life happen to us.  

Do you know what I notice when I browse the "Christian" book section in any given book store?  The current popular books for women all have a theme.  They are instruction books on "Breaking Busy", giving "The Best Yes" and overall how to incorporate rest into our lives.  Why is it so hard as women to actually limit what we do?  Why do we need our children to be involved in multiple extra curricular activities simultaneously?  

As mother's we often talk about impact in our children's lives, but do we ever stop to question the lessons we are teaching when we over book our own schedules beyond what we can humanly sustain?

Last year for the first time I created a mission statement for life over the next five years.  Where do I want to be?  What do I want life to look like?  How do I make that picture happen?  

My reality?  I have been hearing God tell me over the last couple of years that he wants our family to live more intentionally.  I have heard and tried to incorporate different things into our lives that will move us that direction, but the reality is that most of those things have managed to fall into place prior to last year without planning.  It has kind of been dumb luck that we have managed to embrace parts of intentional living.  

Last year, thanks to author and blogger Ruth Sokup,  Living Well Spending Less, I discovered the concept of setting goals and breaking down life into smaller chunks of time.  While as with most things when you first try them, there are parts I was not completely successful on completing in her suggested list of ways to accomplish goal setting, what I did find is that I met all 5 goals for the year by December 31, 2015!  It's an amazing feeling when you can look over the year and see what you accomplished despite the varying challenges that we face over the course of a year.  

So I met with success in goal setting last year.  Setting goals should have been something I focused on prior to January 1, 2016, right?  Nope, I was sooooo busy.  There was always something else begging for attention so I spent the month of January operating in survival mode always putting off what I needed to do for what was in front of me demanding my attention.

This weekend as January came to an end, I took some time to pull out that 2016 goal setting workbook and filled out those little spaces that made me focus on what the rest of 2016 needs to look like.  Do you know what I realized?  When I take the time to calm myself, separate from the chaos and put some effort into planning, the life of our family begins to settle down.  Rather than letting life happen to us, we begin to intentional decide what happens.  

As a result of my taking the time to decide what needs to happen this year to move our family toward that goal I set for 5 years from now, we are moving forward with purpose.  Once I put down on paper that I wanted to get our kitchen remodel done by a certain date, I began to realize if we break it down into small manageable projects, it moves toward a reality rather than just being something we "want" to do (and not even a week later 90% of the wallpaper that covered our kitchen floor to ceiling is down).

When I live today in survival mode, it effects my entire family.  When I live today intentionally, with a plan, well, then the reality is our family has more time than we imagined possible.  That wallpaper that came down in the kitchen since I set some goals, that has happened while my husband and I still take time to play crazy with our little girl nearly every night and manage the other household tasks along with school for me and work for him.  Oh, and did I mention that we both are volunteer staff members at our church?

Life has moments it gets overwhelming.  Whether we live in the overwhelming moments or pass through them is entirely up to us.  If you have never tried goal setting before I encourage you to try it!  It gives you a purpose, something you are moving toward.  Set dates on those goals for the year.  You'll find some of them you accomplish way before their due date and others need to flex to later dates in the year because life happens, but being able to look at where you have been at the end of the year is an amazing feeling.

Don't know where to start?  Check out Living Well, Spending Less for a great starting point.  She has a free Goal Setting Workbook via email that she offers when you sign up for her email.  She has lots of other amazing resources on her site that she has made available as well.  

When we live life running from commitment to commitment we are never giving the best part of ourselves to anything, including our families.  When we chose to actually begin to be selective at what we say yes to, well then we are able to give the best of ourselves to multiple things, most of all our families.  We give ourselves the ability to live in today rather than being overwhelmed by tomorrow and the things left to do from yesterday.

Choose to live in the today, this moment, with the people you are with right now.  Choose to stop the crazy cycle of letting life happen to you and create intentional moments and memories today.

My "Ouch" Moment

Have you ever had that moment when you come up with this amazing idea?  I mean it seems borderline genius!  And so you begin to work toward that idea and then comes the "Ouch" moment.  The moment you realize it's going to cost you something.....

I had one of those this week.  Our church has been doing a series called Moneybomb.  It's one of those series that one moment is encouraging, the next moment is challenging and in nearly every moment provides this underlying conviction about how I've used money unwisely.  

One of the things I've been learning over the past few years is to stop living in the guilt of what I haven't gotten right and to move forward into the future that holds the things I can change.  I can beat myself up over my tendency to cope with issues using retail therapy.  Or I can celebrate the fact I found an awesome counselor and am getting more out of what I spend for that therapy then a credit card bill.  I can look at where I've overspent in the past and beat myself up.  Or I can move forward finding ways to change those habits and re-channel that spending.

Which brings us to my brilliant idea of last week...  One of the books that has had a huge impact on my life this year is a book written by blogger Ruth Soukup titled, Living Well, Spending Less.  In this book, Ruth shares her own struggles with money, debt and how she's taken steps to change her habits.  In her book she briefly talks about a no spend month that her husband suggested they do while they were struggling with their own finances at one point.  I acknowledged the idea at the time, but quickly moved on rationalizing all of the reasons that it didn't work for us.  And then last Tuesday, Ruth posts to her Instagram account the news that their family in getting ready to do a no spend October.  This combined with the series at church led to a little voice inside saying.... "this might help that budget line item titled dining out".  So before I could talk myself out of it again, I texted the idea to my husband.  

That's how I find myself with a week left before we begin our no spend October.  Can I share it's kind of scary?  I have all of these "what ifs" popping up in my head.  What if the starkness of a month of no spending triggers my panic attacks?  What if I forgot to prepare for something I didn't realize we need?  Our concessions since it was rather last minute has been to keep our grocery budget as usual, but to see if we can have left over at the end of the month to roll into the savings and to keep previously made appointments with mentors and family.  I still find myself a little apprehensive though...  

I think my big "ouch" moment came in realizing I need to give up my Starbucks study sessions for four weeks.  That's a little hard.  We actually discussed whether I keep them or not, but I know our purpose is to reset our priorities.  As much as I like to think it is, Starbucks is NOT a necessity.  It's a luxury.  One of the convicting realizations that I've had over the past week is the way we have come to view our dining out as a necessity rather than a treat or a luxury.  Part of me knows we really need this reset, but another part of me fears the unknown and what comes with it.

What about you?  Does your life need a reset in an area?  Maybe a no spend October is something your budget needs, too.  Want to join us in the adventure?  Company always makes the trip more fun! 

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Living Life Differently

I find myself wondering lately when did we buy into the idea that overextending ourselves and filling our calendars past the bursting point was acceptable?  When did we decide that if we could spend just 5 minutes in the morning letting our Father fill us that we could make it through the day?  When did we start to believe that it's normal and okay to live like our lives are a fast food restaurant doling out the minutes of our lives to all of the various work, church, charitable and family commitments that clamor for their share of fractions of seconds of our lives?

I've noticed an overwhelming amount of my friends that seem desperate for a few more hours in their day. a few more minutes to their week or even just one more second to the month, just to get everything that life is demanding from them.  I'm starting to form a theory about this pattern that I recognize creeps up even into my life after nearly a year of consciously choosing to work on changing those patterns in myself.  I fully believe that all of those "good" causes are ways the Enemy chooses to distract us from being the best possible version of ourselves we can be.  

I mean face it....  Work is something we do to sustain our families so it's not exactly something we can just decide not to do one day, but it takes a huge amount of courage to ask if the job that demands so much of our time is really the job we need at this moment of our lives.  And church and charity...  Who is going to dare say that maybe you should turn down that request to provide a meal to a family in the need or say no to the latest suggestion that maybe you should volunteer in yet another ministry that is beginning to form?  And I think it goes without saying that we can't exactly leave our children and spouses to survive on their own and expect those relationships to survive unscathed....  So how are we suppose to manage all of the things that demand our attention and drain our lives of the vital resource of time?

For myself I'm finding that it requires that I break the cycle.  It means that the word "No" has become vital to my vocabulary.  Now it doesn't always come out of my mouth that way, but learning to recognize and verbalize that something doesn't work for me right now is key to my survival in this current phase of my life.  Giving myself permission to "just say no" has been invaluable.  It's changed how much and how often I feel overwhelmed and over-extended.  

By their fruits you will know them.

Matthew 7:16a

I think about this verse and wonder what people see in my life as compared to the life of Christ?  Do I value the same things that he did?  Do I show it by the choices I make?

Out of this line of thought have come some life changes for me.  Through my search for what I value, God has brought some amazing women into my life through books, blogs, conferences and a church who's motto I've adapted and adopted as my life motto.  Let me introduce you briefly to these inspiring women and the lesson each taught me.

First into my life in the middle of some hard life changes came Bonnie Gray, a blogger (Faith Barista) and author, who introduced me to the concept of Spiritual Whitespace.  This idea of stopping my life and letting God share His truth about me was life-changing.  It meant that rather than living in the middle of anxiety and panic attacks I could begin to live in the truth that I was God's Beloved.  It didn't matter that I wasn't good enough for certain jobs or roles in other people's eyes, God had a plan and saw me as something to be cherished.

Next God built on that idea of Whitespace by introducing into my world yet another author and blogger, Ruth Soukup and her book and blog, Living Well, Spending Less.  The idea that stuff can be distracting isn't really a new concept, but Ruth shared her own story in such a way that one of the changes I've implemented into my life this year is working toward living life more intentionally and living with only the things we need.  It's a work in progress, but I find the more I say no to stuff the easier it is to say no to the things that attempt to demand my time and energy.

Following the idea of Living Well, I was introduced to Jennifer Dukes Lee, at a women's conference.  As I began to say no to those things that vied for my time and attention I've noticed that the fear of what other's think always hides in the recesses of my mind.  Who would be offended if I posted this very real thing in a blog post?  What will they think when I say no to this event?  And the list goes on.  Through Jennifer, I was given the perspective of I don't need others approval.  I've been Pre-Approved by God!  He loves me just as I am.  I'm a work in progress and that's ok.  

Three women with very different messages over the past year have helped give me some traction in how to adapt the motto from a church that has come to hold a special place in my heart over the past year and a half.  This church has the motto of Doing Church Differently, while staying true to the message of Jesus Christ.  I love it!  It permeates everything they do as a church from their services to their businesses to their community involvement.  I find myself taking the spirit of that motto into my personal life.  I want to live my life differently, while sharing the message of Jesus Christ in every choice I make.  

Living life differently for me has begun to mean, purging the stuff that hangs out in my house demanding time, attention and energy to organize and clean it.  It means carving time out for Whitespace in the middle of a world that says doing more looks productive.  It means learning to live without the approval for others.  I know their are so many more things that will continue to go into living life differently, but this seems to be the foundation of a good start..... 

My Word/Words ~ Recklessly Abandoned

"but for my own part, if a book is well written, I always find it too short."

-Jane Austen

Have you ever thought of your life as a story you are writing?  When given the challenge to write about my one word for 2015 I found myself thinking about it.  I felt pretty sure that my one word required two words rather than just one, but upon further consideration I realized that One Word becomes a start.  Something to build the chapter of my story titled 2015 around.  Thanks to a vision casting Sunday from a pastor I've come to admire greatly, I have found myself contemplating the last day and a half how the direction my husband and I feel God calling our family during this year works with my word and of course like any good story, there is a back story.

I'm not sure if it's unique to myself, but when presented with the idea of choosing a word for the year last year I did not do so lightly.  It was with much thought, conversation and even arguing with God that I landed on the word Pieces for 2014.  Now, personally I thought that God would use this word to do great things in my life.  You know the kind that grab people's attention in this "wow, we want to be like you" or "just look at what God is doing in her life" sort of way.  Somehow that didn't happen though.  Instead the word Pieces became appropriate as it felt like I just watched my life fall apart.  Job loss, health issues, isolation...  It never seemed to stop, but somehow in the middle of all of that God was doing just what a line in the song He gave me said He would do,  He was making my pieces fit.  Through all of the falling apart that was happening He was introducing me to key people essential to prepare me for the coming year of 2015.  He was taking all of the pieces that had been or were trying to be forced together and He was making them fit the way He knew they needed to fit together.  In the middle of my crazy life, He brought a new counselor, D, who challenges me in so many amazing ways but at the same time provides the tools I need to set healthy boundaries that allow me to give myself permission to follow the advice of a kindred, Bonnie Gray, and find spiritual whitespace in which to connect to and hear God more clearly.  He took me back to my hometown using my husband's friendship with someone to bring Pastor Debbie Salters to my attention, who just through passionately following where God leads in a community I know well has inspired me to live my own life very differently.  Being on the 2015 side of 2014 I start to see the picture that formed in 2014.

So as November rolled around I began to consider whether I would choose a word for 2015.  Honestly, after the painful experience of 2014, I will admit to being reluctant to let God use one word to define my life yet again.  But something happened....  One day when listening to Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets, the phrase "recklessly abandoned" came to my attention.  I found myself thinking about that phrase a lot over the next few weeks and after much debate with God realized that I had found my word/words for 2015.  If you insist on one word I suppose I'll have to go with Abandoned.  If I get to have it my way I use the phrase Recklessly Abandoned.  Abandoned by definition means giving up control, but when you add Recklessly its meaning becomes to give up control with no regard for the consequences.  I think that's why I like the phrase over the word.  I want to learn to live saying no to the less important things in life so I can say yes to the most important things.  I want to learn to simplify my life so that spiritual whitespace and sharing my story (all of my story, not just the pretty pieces) become second nature.  I want to learn to cut out the busywork and white noise so that I can build relationships in unlikely places.

While I'm one of the first people who will argue that life is much less overwhelming when you have some structure and a schedule I want to live holding those things in an open hand, using the structure and schedules to enable me to live intentionally so that I can give up control in the areas that matter most.  Sounds crazy doesn't it? But I believe it's possible.  In 2015 I want to learn to use those tools to enable me to intentionally live Recklessly Abandoned.  

So I find myself thinking that while it seems that in some ways the words I use to describe what I want to do with 2015, simplify, intentional living, whitespace...  While they all could be words for my year, they become the action verbs to my year.  Pieces of a story that God is putting together to create the story of me.  So what's your word and your story?