Relationships

Life has been crazy the last couple of weeks!

Oh, in one sense it is been that way because my husband had to travel for work.

But the other way it has been crazy is that I have interacted with multiple of my neighbors during this period!

Now this is huge because I am an introvert.

Sadly, I often have an intense desire to run into my house after extroverting myself for any period of time.  

This last week though, I decided to push myself to not do that so much.  Instead I began crossing the driveway away from the door to my house that was so enticing and instead I got to know my neighbors a little better.

Guess how much training that took?

None. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Zero.

Photo by Makole Photography

All it took was using the skills we learn as children.

It always stands out to me in Scripture, how much we try to complicate the messages of Jesus.

Matthew 18:3 says:

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, 

you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"

I have often heard this verse spun to emphasize the humility we are suppose to demonstrate as believers.

That sounds good, but if we go back and look at what is going on around this verse we start to see that this verse is more radical than humility!

This verse is set in the middle of a community that is dominated by the Roman Empire.

The Roman Empire was an environment where position was valued.  

Throughout the Gospels, we see examples of tax-collectors, these were Jews who turned on their own for position with the Roman government.  

We see the Sadducees, who cemented their position by social, political and religious means.

Into this society comes Jesus' disciples with the question "Who, then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" (Matthew 18:1b)

When Jesus calls a child to him to answer this question it is a radically different message than society has presented.  All around them his disciples are seeing a struggle for power.  Into that struggle for greatness comes Jesus, who points them to a child.

I have a soon to be 3 year old and a 1 year old.  

At our house we are constantly living in the world of a child.  

Do you know how uncomplicated that world is?
Somehow as we become adults things change.

There are now complex steps and formulas for making friends.

Social class does not effect them.

I took my 1 year old to the grocery store yesterday and everyone was a friend to wave at no matter what they looked like, how old they were or what position they held in society.

Somehow over time we seem to have complicated the idea of relationship.  

We have books and formulas telling us how to use this skills we developed as a child that we have lost as adults.

We have complex formulas for how to make disciples.

We rate people on scales creating a hierarchy to determine how we "should" relate to them.

We approach relationships in a detached formal manner, completely forgetting that these words for the disciples are for us also...

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, 

you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"

What happens if we forget the formulas and charts?

What happens if we discard the hierarchy?

What happens if we just start waving to people in the grocery story like a 1 year old?

What happens if we follow the example of a 3 year old and ask everyone we meet there name?

Ok, so maybe that might be a little creepy for adults, but what if we start by being aware?

What if we start by setting the goal to find one person wherever we go to say hi and learn their name?

Will we do it perfectly?  Probably not, but if we get it just some of the time we give our forgotten relational muscles a work-out.

One small way to start is to walk away from your door the next time you get home and walk toward the neighbor, who just got home also.

The Exhale in Simplicity

"As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness."
-Henry David Thoreau

I have found myself reflecting on various relationships that have drastically changed over the couple of years.  I find myself mourning what once was.  I have struggled to understand why friendships I thought had substance and would stand the test of time have altered as to become unrecognizable.

I am a thinker.
I want to understand.
I am an introvert.
I mourn the loss of that deep relationship greatly.
I wonder how life is suppose to look when it changes so drastically.


Today, I had a realization.  Some relationships are forged from our circumstances.  Some of my fondest memories have been formed when money was not in abundance and creativity was required.  I find I miss the relationships that developed in that forced simplicity.

As I think about it, I believe that in times where we do not have the money or capacity to live in material abundance we are given a gift.  A gift which we often fail to recognize when we have it.  We long for the day we have more.  We convince ourselves we will use the more for good.  To better the lives of those around us, but so often if we are not careful the more ends up controlling us.  It allows us to assume more debt which demands repayment and interest.  It allows us to add more and more to our calendars which adds stress to our lives as we run from one commitment to another.


When we are in the moment of not having as much as we would like, we often refer to it as hard.  The reality that I'm discovering is that to choose simplicity is hard.  Simplicity does not come easily.  It requires intentionally saying no when you want so badly to say yes.  It requires looking at simplicity systemically.

For simplicity to be truly effective it must permeate our lives.  It means clearing our houses of clutter.  Getting rid of what we no longer use or does not bring us joy.  It involves an overhaul of our schedules and a focus on our core values as individuals and families.  It means clearing our emotional baggage so that we can engage with others from a place of health.

Often we look to the Amish or a previous era for our definition of simplicity.  While there are things to glean from others, we ourselves must create simplicity on our own.

It seems appropriate that as I think of this my word for 2016 comes to mind....
Exhale

To engage in genuine simplicity, the exhale becomes essential.  For myself, I have to let go of those relationships that have changed.   To recognize that they no longer help me move toward the life God is leading me toward.  In exhaling, I then have the capacity to inhale and move into the relationships that are at a similar place in life.  To engage with those who are searching for simplicity themselves.

My truth, this move to simplicity is extremely difficult.  It means asking myself the hard questions and being willing to hear truth from those I trust to help me grow.  Simplicity means following God where it is not comfortable sometimes because I want to make the easy choice.  It means saying to to things that seem good for the things that are better.  And sometimes it means stopping CPR on the life I am not meant to live and embracing the life I am intended for.